Small dogs are superior to regular or large sized dogs. Dogs are superior to babies and children. I don't see why you would ever get a child.

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Posted 3 years ago on February 17 2009


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Jezebel.com posted this advertisement for an organization called Active Life Movement. The ad, designed by Texas-based LatinWorks, tells viewers to “Keep Obesity Away from your Child” and features popular children’s toys and figures as they would look if they spent their time like the rest of the American public.  Also depicted in the campaign is a fleshy, potbellied superhero lounging in a chair in front of the television actively holding up a remote and holding a dripping ice cream cone and a band of paunchy Lego pirates kicking it on their ship enjoying turkey legs and swigging from growlers.    My first issue is the concern of whomever posted the Barbie picture on Jezebel—Barbie is not a “healthy body image” role model in the first place.  Barbie is apparently celebrating her 50th birthday this year and she hasn’t aged a day since 1959.  Bitch must be like in her 70’s now—she’s more patronizing to American women than Madonna and Cher with her reluctance to show her age.  Also, I’d die trying if I sought to be as thin as Barbie, and I think some people have.  I saw this crazy woman on Entertainment Tonight’s: The Insider who had plastic surgery like 100 times or something to look like Barbie, and in my opinion, she looked like some kind of paint-by-number mess bought at a county fair.  I don’t even know what that really means, but it was the only way I could describe her. My second concern: anyone who follows stories of superheroes knows that at some point, the public that the superhero so tirelessly defends and protects turns against the superhero because the real people (i.e. cops, lawyers, judges, the military) get offended that they don’t have superpowers (I know not all heroes in comic books have “superpowers,” but I consider their innate drive and passion a sort of superpower anyway) and they can’t do their job of serving and protecting as well as the super hero.  So what’s a superhero supposed to do when they’ve been ostracized by the society that they have so dutifully served and protected?  They are supposed to wallow; wallow in front of the TV with ice cream.  Would people rather the superhero turn against them and destroy the whole world?  No, they’d rather the super hero stay sad and in front of the television. My third concern: I don’t think Johnny Depp is an accurate portrayal of a pirate.  He is an accurate portrayal of Keith Richards.  Pirates were probably way uglier and slovenly motherfuckers than this ad projects.  I’m just saying, it was probably a lot worse and we probably wouldn’t want our kids playing with toys of what pirates really looked like and really did in their spare time. I save kids all day so I kind of know. It might not be a good idea to bully kids into self-esteem.  It just leads to eating a bag of Oreos alone in the dark.

Jezebel.com posted this advertisement for an organization called Active Life Movement. The ad, designed by Texas-based LatinWorks, tells viewers to “Keep Obesity Away from your Child” and features popular children’s toys and figures as they would look if they spent their time like the rest of the American public.  Also depicted in the campaign is a fleshy, potbellied superhero lounging in a chair in front of the television actively holding up a remote and holding a dripping ice cream cone and a band of paunchy Lego pirates kicking it on their ship enjoying turkey legs and swigging from growlers.   

My first issue is the concern of whomever posted the Barbie picture on Jezebel—Barbie is not a “healthy body image” role model in the first place.  Barbie is apparently celebrating her 50th birthday this year and she hasn’t aged a day since 1959.  Bitch must be like in her 70’s now—she’s more patronizing to American women than Madonna and Cher with her reluctance to show her age.  Also, I’d die trying if I sought to be as thin as Barbie, and I think some people have.  I saw this crazy woman on Entertainment Tonight’s: The Insider who had plastic surgery like 100 times or something to look like Barbie, and in my opinion, she looked like some kind of paint-by-number mess bought at a county fair.  I don’t even know what that really means, but it was the only way I could describe her.

My second concern: anyone who follows stories of superheroes knows that at some point, the public that the superhero so tirelessly defends and protects turns against the superhero because the real people (i.e. cops, lawyers, judges, the military) get offended that they don’t have superpowers (I know not all heroes in comic books have “superpowers,” but I consider their innate drive and passion a sort of superpower anyway) and they can’t do their job of serving and protecting as well as the super hero.  So what’s a superhero supposed to do when they’ve been ostracized by the society that they have so dutifully served and protected?  They are supposed to wallow; wallow in front of the TV with ice cream.  Would people rather the superhero turn against them and destroy the whole world?  No, they’d rather the super hero stay sad and in front of the television.

My third concern: I don’t think Johnny Depp is an accurate portrayal of a pirate.  He is an accurate portrayal of Keith Richards.  Pirates were probably way uglier and slovenly motherfuckers than this ad projects.  I’m just saying, it was probably a lot worse and we probably wouldn’t want our kids playing with toys of what pirates really looked like and really did in their spare time.

I save kids all day so I kind of know. It might not be a good idea to bully kids into self-esteem.  It just leads to eating a bag of Oreos alone in the dark.

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