Grown-Ups with Kites

Toting Guns and Going Shirtless

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 02:12:00 -0400

I still talk to probably only one person I went to high school with, and even then, it’s only when I’m back home, and all we do is smoke, eat snacks, and watch cartoons. Coincidentally enough, she has the same name and birthday as my boyfriend. Quite the talking point.

Usually the only times I hear about anyone are when my parents read in the local newspaper that someone I once knew was arrested or died or something. I’m friends with a fair number of them on Facebook, but that really provides little to no information about what they are up to—all that ever comes up about someone I knew in Silver City in my newsfeed is some sort of quiz result. All that quiz result shit ONLY comes from people I knew back in New Mexico, rarely from anyone else. Not only do they take these quizzes and send me all kinds of ridiculous invitations to also find out what kind of romantic flower I am or what kind of girlfriend I am or what shoe I would be if I were a sho, they comment on their quiz results. Lots of “LOLZ” and references to copious amounts of beer consumption are usually involved in these comments.

My new favorite trend on Facebook among my high school friends is their affinity for posting pictures of themselves (usually the guys, but there are a few girls too) wearing wifebeaters (or no shirts at all) and shooting guns in a field. There are usually a few guns in each picture too—an assortment of rifles, shotguns, and handguns. I think this trend has been building up for a few years now, and it’s probably pretty consistent throughout the country, but San Francisco has made me soft. I know longer find decaying crackheads screaming about blood and shit in the gutters or lesbians dry humping (scissoring?) in a public park at 2 p.m. on a Sunday shocking, but I feel compelled to call Tayler over to share my amazement and dismay when I see some pictures of old family friends enjoying an afternoon shooting and drinking. What have I come to? I do think it’s pretty weird though, even weirder than the pictures of people’s newborn babies.

Best otter video ever. The birthday hats.

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:13:32 -0400

Best otter video ever. The birthday hats.

Pastry ho

Thu, 21 May 2009 21:53:14 -0400

I got a new job. I am no longer selling children, civil rights, or hope for “progressive” politics. I now am dole out pastries and fuck up lattes for a living. I graduated college a year ago yesterday. Or the day before, I can’t really remember.

I work with Olivia at La Boulange, corporate French cafe that has a bunch of San Francisco and they’re looking to build some sort of strange empire in the Bay Area and probably the whole world. I haven’t cried yet, which is good, and so far, only the kitchen staff has yelled at me. They are Mayan. The don’t even really speak Spanish.

I treated myself to a huge mimosa and some donuts after work. I felt pretty proud of myself

I just walked by a lady who looked at me, shook her head, and said to her running partner,...

Sun, 17 May 2009 10:04:03 -0400

I just walked by a lady who looked at me, shook her head, and said to her running partner, “Already drunk.”.

I’m blazed and I’m drinking a black Sparks on the bus to Bay to Breakers. My goal is...

Sun, 17 May 2009 09:35:42 -0400

I’m blazed and I’m drinking a black Sparks on the bus to Bay to Breakers. My goal is not to blackout. Or get in a fight.

my jig==is up

Tue, 12 May 2009 03:36:46 -0400

My title was supposed to be “my job” but I’m trying to smoke a spliff and type at the same time, I’m giving up on typing. I’m jamming “Daylight” by Matt and Kimnonstop. I’d resisted their charms for months but I’ve finally given in.

I work for a pyramid scheme of sorts, under the guise of an organizer and fundraiser for “progressive groups.” College educated kids are hired to recruit anyone who can raise more than at least $100 in one night and then paid salary to keep these people on staff and earning above some quota. This seems all sort of good, but the people they recruit are ridiculous. I am a rarity as a recruit, but I was out of work, hadn’t worked in months, and had no other future options, so I called in based on their ad on Craigslist. My boss said I was the best interview she’s ever had. Little did she know that in only months time she would be bedridden with two broken heals, demoted to an assistant director, and I would be dating her then “boyfriend,” of sorts. She should have never hired me, she would have been better off.

But the people who organize the batshit company I work for are even more nuts than their recruits. They seriously believe they are doing hardcore serious progressive political work. They’re ruthless.

My office is not. We only talk about 3 things: 1) drugs (barry likes pills, joseph and nick are pot heads, i’m stoned all the time and no one ever knows, and everyone drinks way too much) 2) sex (we only really talk about the sexploits of Barry, the Irishman who once hooked up with a transvestite and 3) Laday Gaga—she has an ugly face but cool style, we’ve listened to “Poker Face” too much but it’s still okay to watch Kid Cudi’s “Poke Her Face” (or whoever did that remix). That’s all we do when we’re not canvassing is talk about those things. And believe me, we do as much as possible to not actually canvass. We take bathroom breaks, taco breaks, coffee breaks, ice cream breaks, phone breaks, napping in GG Park on 420 breaks…it goes on. We still do alright (well not me right now) because we’re wholesome and articulate doing shit, shit work.

So imagine an office of people who do as much as possible to alleviate the stress and frustration of having to do a disgusting job forced to join the ranks of an office that does not question what it is doing. I was appalled when I was expected to start working at 4:10. At our office, we’re lucky if we’ve left by that time. We all have to order food, desert, coffee, anything to prolong lunch. Then, when we get to our destination we have to go to the bathroom again, get coffee again, and dick around for another fifteen minutes. We also stop at 8. It used to be 8:45 after 9:00 proved to be too late, then it became 8:30 and then eight. The Berkeley people told me today, “So, we’ll pick you up at 9:15.” I almost choked. Yeah right, I just went to Safeway and made phone calls.

I don’t know what to do because my work people are my only friends but I cannot work there anymore. I don’t think we’d really have anything to talk about but work.

Positive

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 12:30:31 -0400

Waking up this morning panned out a lot like the opening scenes of Office Space and Wanted. I felt absolutely sick to my stomach, and sick in that way that is not even tangible like the 2009 H1N1 virus swine flu thing or a bad hangover. It’s a sickness that comes from having to do something you truly hate for hours on end and knowing that you’re going to have to keep doing this thing until Friday at about 10:00 p.m. There’s no escape from it.

Things are looking up though, because if I learned anything from Office Space or Wanted, it’s that by 4:00 p.m. today, I might be enjoying the benefits of botched hypnotherapy or I might be a super assassin avenging the death of my dog Sophie. So here’s to optimism.

Yesterday, Tayler and I went to see Ferlinghetti at the San Francisco Film Festival. Ferlinghetti made an appearance after the film and then Tayler and I followed him into Dosa. All these San Francisco society types got loaded and asked ridiculous questions. Some just drunkenly yelled out answers before the director could. It was a good movie to see in conjunction with reading the graphic novel The Beats. The theater we went to, the Sundance Kabuki, has a bar. We were kind of drunk too but blinded by excitement rather than belligerence.

Then I had to return to work to run numbers and all hope and excitement from the evening was crushed.

This is my jam to meditate upon on this 420.

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 14:28:39 -0400

This is my jam to meditate upon on this 420.

Overheard

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:03:57 -0400

rogges:

Today this guy sitting next to me in a coffee shop was telling his buddy how after Generation X The Simpsons Generation was born. A Generation Removed, devoted to the satirization of everything it observes. He didn’t describe it exactly like that, but he said that he considered coming up with the aforementioned designation his life’s ouvre. Well, he didn’t say it precisely in those words. His partner in conversation (a GenXer) seemed rather unconvinced, and probably would have preferred to not have had that unanticipated interruption of his detailed exposition on the positives of charter schools.

Anyway, whatever this first guy was talking about, I’m pretty sure everyone I know within a certain age bracket has seen all or nearly all episodes of The Simpsons, one of the many filters through which they absorbed some vague understanding of current events/trends. Not drawing any conclusions, just noting.

My life is really good and really bad right now so this is the...

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 11:58:00 -0400

My life is really good and really bad right now so this is the only song I want to listen to it. It’s not even 9 a.m. and I’ve already listened to it like eight times.

I’m trying to find the right love song to listen to right now that aptly describes what it feels like to be really fuckin freaked out. All I can find though is Akon’s “Trouble Nobody.” Although I don’t really relate to the lyrics, I really like the rest of the song. I think it applies to my life.

Greg takes really long showers. Just sayin. Also, I’ve spilled bongwater in my room twice this week because I keep trying to hide that dietcokebicpensobecap bong Liv and I made a few weeks ago. I feel like I can’t throw it away, but it really has no place.

I still haven’t moved to get ready. I just listened to Blink 182 and Girl Talk for like 25...

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 17:30:40 -0400

I still haven’t moved to get ready. I just listened to Blink 182 and Girl Talk for like 25 minutes. Sometimes I crack myself up. What to wear, what to wear…

My life is kinda crazy dramatic right now so I’ve been...

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 17:01:34 -0400

My life is kinda crazy dramatic right now so I’ve been getting stoned and listening to this on repeat. It’s good stuff for sure. The best part is that it’s not even the original, it’s off the live album. I don’t have the original for some reason.

I have a tennis date in an hour so I’ve gotta plan an outfit (I’m gonna go all out) and smoke again before I can leave the house. That’s a lot to do actually, whoa. I know it’s totally inappropriate to go on a date (tennis date though) without shaving your legs when you do in fact intend on wearing shorts but I’m gonna do it. That’s how little faith I have in this going well. Things are just too complicated right now, maybe I should listen to some Avril.

I’ve recently realized how very dramatic I am.

rogges: Me and my best friend, we’re like Romy and Michelle...

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:45:17 -0400

rogges:

Me and my best friend, we’re like Romy and Michelle except ten times more awesome.

Only ten times more awesome?

tylercoates: vanityfactory: this is so (mostly) accurately me...

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:01:42 -0400

tylercoates:

vanityfactory:

this is so (mostly) accurately me that it makes me feel like a tool.

Dear lord, I didn’t know what kind of cliche I’d become. I knew it was something, but not quite what. This is a perfect diagram of my BFF and myself circa 2007-2008. I guess I could have just said last year.

Earthquake

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:13:47 -0400

There was an earthquake this morning. I didn’t know what was going on and then Tayler was like, “We just had our first earthquake together.” And then we laughed for a while as the ground rumbled a little more. It was really funny. Then I forgot about it until just now. It’s laundry morning Monday so I’m allowed to forget things.

I’m definitely getting sick so I called Dr. Olivia and now I’m meeting my pharmacist at...

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 13:33:57 -0400

I’m definitely getting sick so I called Dr. Olivia and now I’m meeting my pharmacist at the Jamba Juice.

I just heard a man tell his daughter, “Now, you can have a hot chocolate or a Jamba Juice. I hope that child makes the right decision.

The new word to describe 3 days (or half a week) is a “bit.”. As in, Japanther is...

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 03:59:20 -0400

The new word to describe 3 days (or half a week) is a “bit.”. As in, Japanther is visiting in two weeks and a bit.

A case of the mondays

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 04:36:00 -0400

It is technically Wednesday, but it was really one of those Mondays you get so tired of hearing everyone bitch about but continue to bitch about yourself because it’s a very relatable subject about which to bitch and fuss. Here is why it was bad:

1) My irreverence and inability to tell when it’s appropriate to say something was the catalyst for another coworker’s decision to quit. I think my other coworkers are kind of grateful because he was a dick, but it’s a bummer that my idiocy is to thank. I feel really bad about it actually.

2) Some cunt-faced bitch made me cry. She didn’t have a cunt face and she probably wasn’t a bitch, but she did bring me to tears, which is actually pretty hard to do nowadays at work. Getting rejected so many times a day has helped me build up a strong tolerance to assholes, but this woman brought me to tears at her door step. And for that, I’m gonna say that I hope that that fucking bitch feels good about herself. She probably does, which grosses me out most—she thinks she is doing me a favor. I understand not wanting to deal with people who come to your door or give to another charity or any of the frustrations that come with door-to-door shit, but really, she didn’t have to take it as far as she did. Basically, she took all insecurities I’ve had for the past year and made them real. That’s hard to do too because I’m a deeply paranoid and neurotic individual and not much of the shit I think or feel is real, but now that I’ve had this stranger bring them up for me, I see they are real and that’s really what people do think of me. I have so much to say about this, so many lines to draw, so many points to prove, so many plans to hash that involve filling her yard with cock socks, pocket pussies, and philosophy texts, but in the long run, it’s not worth the energy, especially when I could be watching the newest episode of GG.

3) Everyone has to have a work crush. It makes going to work exciting. I thought it was work crush day, but it wasn’t, so I did my hair for nothing except to have some bitch harass me about not going to college. Though I did go to college, and she still found something wrong with that. Anyway, fuck you work crush, fuck you.

4) Maybe it’s because I buy earphones at Rite Aid, but I am on my 3rd pair in just as many months. Now I obviously can’t do ANYTHING tomorrow until I get a new pair. As if.

Good thing about the day:

My coworker and I rode home on the N together and played “Switch iPods” which I was nervous about because if one were to judge me by my music, they would think I read Tiger Beat and J17, shop exclusively at a Hot Topic in Omaha, Nebraska, and constantly watch the Disney Channel. I warned him about this. However, he did not warn me about the porn I would find if I went through his pictures. This is a good lesson for those who ever play Switch iPods and have an iTouch or something that makes you say, “ooh pictures!” Make sure you check your porn status, and if you have a porn status, own it, or hope you’re at least with someone who will pretend they didn’t see anything.

bespectacled: annicka: check out what a coworker did to...

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 04:02:00 -0400

bespectacled:

annicka:

check out what a coworker did to their iphone this morning.

I saw this happen once. The iphone lasted another four months through the magic of a well-applied screen protector (not scotch tape).

As I recall, it was Andrew’s first-aid skills that helped keep that iPhone alive for those four months. Luckily, iPhone’s are kind of like children, eye glasses, and watchbands—they can always be mended until they can be replaced and/or upgraded.

I’m pretty into this, despite at least 3 major flaws: 1)...

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 01:39:27 -0400

I’m pretty into this, despite at least 3 major flaws:

1) I found it on the “Promoted Videos” section of YouTube. It is asking to be made viral. It is asking to become another meme, to which I am conceding by reposting here. I’m bothered by this because cultural studies has told me to be bothered by this, as have my far cooler friends. I wish I could make this point more articulate, but I can only compare it to that Levi’s campaign with the dudes jumping into the Levi’s jeans. The video was a little bit cooler when I didn’t no for sure that it was a commercial. I cannot go on with this further because it’s not making any sense.

2) I think it is an advertisement for the DVD release of Marley and Me.

3) The video features a long-haired dapple. I myself like short-haired dachshunds. They are more seal/otter-like. This is not to say I do not love all dachshunds though, it’s just that sometimes people prefer blondes over brunettes, and I prefer short-haired dachshunds.

I must go, Greg is waiting for me.